I’ll second “…it smells like someone fucked a fart in here” as the boffo hit catchphrase for 2010. By this time next year we’ll have Paul Blart belching it in his next comedic feature film, no doubt!
Aww, this bums me out a little. I tried to have this kind of holiday, but at the last minute a tiny flutter of holiday spirit appeared. I’m still a little pissed that nothing was open and I couldn’t get my big azz expensive holiday coffee drink.
God, I totally know what that feels like. I got into a car accident this christmas eve. Kinda ruins the season when you know whatever money you may get is going to go towards new car shit. Merry Fucking Christmas!
I’m getting to the point in my life where I’m wondering which would be more depressing: Christmas alone (at least you have a damn CAT, I’m so jealous) or another Christmas with the dysfunctional family. Oh well, enjoy your Christmas Cheese.
PS: great comic, seriously. Wait, is “seriously” a compliment for a comic? Perhaps, “great comic, hilariously.”
Your day actually sounds like it was kinda nice. I mean hell, you were eating a block of cheese right from the package (was it the fancy stuff at least? I’ve been known to hit up the bodega for that orange Kraft shit in a pinch). I desperately wanted to entomb myself in my apartment this Christmas, but was successfully browbeaten by my dear mother into getting on a train and joining the family. Balls.
The fart-fucking phrase is gold! BTW, I got your book in the mail today, Yay! Thanks so much! I’m looking forward to devouring it over the next couple of days
Yeah, Christmas. Makes ya well aware of those pesky social pressures. Like how game show prizes are always trips for two to gorgeous Hawaii. Or or door prizes that are tickets for two to whatever. Or recipes are for two or more people. Are single people the lowest form of life on Earth or what?
I got Fart Party Two for christmas, which made for some fun explainin’ to the in-laws: “No, it’s not about farts, much. No, it’s not really about partying, either, but there is some heavy drinking. Stop looking at me like I’m crazy. Why don’t you go read the Family Circus and leave me alone? Ho ho ho.”
No fat people are the lowest form of life on earth. At least single people can still buy themselves a decent pair of pants. They don’t make those for fat people. Telling someone ‘lose weight’ is about as productive as telling someone ‘don’t have a broken leg’. Broken legs even heal themselves, but it’s the broken leg guy that actually gets charity, assistance, cheaper gym/physio, blah.
Also my mum suffered a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage on the 21st, shes making a slow but steady recovery now but that was a very merry christmas present.
My christmas presents were a 6 pack and a losing lotto ticket.
It reminds me of last year when the mother of my child cheated on me w/someone else that works where we both do (so yes, I get to see both of them all the time), the fact that the court process is still going on because 3 months after she cheated on me and left me, I moved on w/my life w/someone else and she decided to use my son to hurt me financially, and now my son cries because he doesn’t know wtf is going on (he’s 2 1/2).
This time last year I was in the process of losing 30 lbs in 2 weeks, and thanks to a huge increase in smoking that the situation also brought on, I’ve kept the weight off, Oprah!!
Speaking of which, if you or your significant other is using the Nuva Ring, I highly suggest you find something else. That’s what she was on, and when I went w/her to the OBGYN, there were several couples who “weren’t expecting to be here” that were on it as well.
HEH! Good comical stuff Wertz!
Did you also ever notice how the BEST Xmas movies are NOT the cheesy ones? Like DIE HARD, BATMAN RETURNS, LETHAL WEAPON & EDWARD SCISSORHANDS? Or maybe it’s just me? Keep up the comics & cheese, please!!
Phrozt: My apologies and condolences; I merely assumed that you were like most people, who are simply plain irresponsible, if not outright stupid. Good thing I’m a firm believer in abortion, though, as I would be a terrible parent, due to sheer lack of interest, plus I don’t think that life is a gift, in the first place. In any case, good luck to you.
I ate christmas cheese too. Aged cheddar. I had a similar christmas. All alone. I didn’t accept invitations from people to go to their dinners, too depressing. Instead, I had a bottle of champagne to myself and made butter chicken while watching 500 days of summer on dvr. It was awesome in a sad way. So glad that fucker is done.
word.
financially stranded away from most of my family, in a new lonesome apartment. my sister came over and made fried eggs and we ate those. then we went to a movie, which i snuck alcohol into.
i believe in anti-christmas!
Bahahaha! The cake had your face, it was adorable.
Mine was bad too, I was stuck at my ex’s moms and she was obsessing over her lost skunk that SHE lost and blamed us for… and I nearly had an asthma attack looking for it… (Cold the trees had an inch of frost on them it was that cold…) Plus there are mountain lions and we heard it >..> I told my ex I’m never visiting ever again. Bwahahaha.
If the little fucker loved her he’d have been home by now. >:O
If I move near you remind me to get you some gifts. >.>
I love your comics, with all the hilarity, the kind where you feel bad for laughing at sometimes but nearly piss yourself in doing so anyways.
*Basically I said you’d step ONTO the snow and it was so cold you’d sit there for a few mila seconds and fall through as the hard ice around where you fell scrapped you to death.
I’m a lazy fuck when it comes to cooking too. Sometimes rather than make a proper sandwich I’ll just stand there eating the individual sandwich components straight out of the fridge. My girlfriend thinks it’s retarded. I think it’s pragmatic. Saves time and keeps dishes clean.
This one made me laugh hard. A HUGE accomplishment considering I’ve had a really bad day. So Thank You!
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December 27th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
“oh woof… it smells like someone fucked a fart in here”-had me rolling, love the last three panels. -Seasons Greetings!
December 27th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I hope your New Years is just as depressing (j/k)
December 27th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Yeah for crappy holidays and new comics. It was my first Christmas without my friends, my cats and booze.
December 27th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
I’ll second “…it smells like someone fucked a fart in here” as the boffo hit catchphrase for 2010. By this time next year we’ll have Paul Blart belching it in his next comedic feature film, no doubt!
December 27th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Sorry to hear (read) that your Christmas sucked, mine was good. Hope your birthday is better. At least you got Jack to spend the holidays with, no?
December 27th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Aww, this bums me out a little. I tried to have this kind of holiday, but at the last minute a tiny flutter of holiday spirit appeared. I’m still a little pissed that nothing was open and I couldn’t get my big azz expensive holiday coffee drink.
December 27th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Here’s to your finding your Big Rock Candy Mountain.
December 27th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
God, I totally know what that feels like. I got into a car accident this christmas eve. Kinda ruins the season when you know whatever money you may get is going to go towards new car shit. Merry Fucking Christmas!
December 27th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
i spent christmas alone as well! i’m foreign though. what’s your excuse?
December 28th, 2009 at 7:06 am
I’m a horrible human being? no one wants to pick me for their baseball team? I’m bad at sports? there are a million reasons, I’m sure
December 28th, 2009 at 9:27 am
I’m getting to the point in my life where I’m wondering which would be more depressing: Christmas alone (at least you have a damn CAT, I’m so jealous) or another Christmas with the dysfunctional family. Oh well, enjoy your Christmas Cheese.
PS: great comic, seriously. Wait, is “seriously” a compliment for a comic? Perhaps, “great comic, hilariously.”
December 28th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Merry Blahblah and a blahblah blah blah
December 28th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Your day actually sounds like it was kinda nice. I mean hell, you were eating a block of cheese right from the package (was it the fancy stuff at least? I’ve been known to hit up the bodega for that orange Kraft shit in a pinch). I desperately wanted to entomb myself in my apartment this Christmas, but was successfully browbeaten by my dear mother into getting on a train and joining the family. Balls.
December 28th, 2009 at 11:24 am
christmas sucks now, it was only fun like when i was 9….and your cat is cool
December 28th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
My birthday is too close to x-mas too. And being Jewish doesn’t help as much as it should.
December 28th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
The fart-fucking phrase is gold! BTW, I got your book in the mail today, Yay! Thanks so much! I’m looking forward to devouring it over the next couple of days
December 28th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Yeah, Christmas. Makes ya well aware of those pesky social pressures. Like how game show prizes are always trips for two to gorgeous Hawaii. Or or door prizes that are tickets for two to whatever. Or recipes are for two or more people. Are single people the lowest form of life on Earth or what?
December 28th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
I got Fart Party Two for christmas, which made for some fun explainin’ to the in-laws: “No, it’s not about farts, much. No, it’s not really about partying, either, but there is some heavy drinking. Stop looking at me like I’m crazy. Why don’t you go read the Family Circus and leave me alone? Ho ho ho.”
December 28th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
At least you got to curl up and watch “Peep Show.” Not a terrible evening.
December 29th, 2009 at 4:40 am
No fat people are the lowest form of life on earth. At least single people can still buy themselves a decent pair of pants. They don’t make those for fat people. Telling someone ‘lose weight’ is about as productive as telling someone ‘don’t have a broken leg’. Broken legs even heal themselves, but it’s the broken leg guy that actually gets charity, assistance, cheaper gym/physio, blah.
Also my mum suffered a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage on the 21st, shes making a slow but steady recovery now but that was a very merry christmas present.
My christmas presents were a 6 pack and a losing lotto ticket.
So um, happy new year?
December 29th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
It’s my birthday today…
booze n’bagels all ’round!
Take that baby jesus!
December 30th, 2009 at 12:10 am
Except when you get to Wyoming, you immediately want to leave. I’ve only ever been there once for about 5 minutes.
December 30th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Christmas? Schmistmas.
December 30th, 2009 at 9:34 am
I personally love Christmas.
It reminds me of last year when the mother of my child cheated on me w/someone else that works where we both do (so yes, I get to see both of them all the time), the fact that the court process is still going on because 3 months after she cheated on me and left me, I moved on w/my life w/someone else and she decided to use my son to hurt me financially, and now my son cries because he doesn’t know wtf is going on (he’s 2 1/2).
This time last year I was in the process of losing 30 lbs in 2 weeks, and thanks to a huge increase in smoking that the situation also brought on, I’ve kept the weight off, Oprah!!
Ah yes… such a magical time of year :).
December 30th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Jeez, Phrozt, use a condom next time; then you won’t have such problems! (I swear by this advice, myself!)
December 31st, 2009 at 9:18 am
She was on birth control and I was cautious.
Speaking of which, if you or your significant other is using the Nuva Ring, I highly suggest you find something else. That’s what she was on, and when I went w/her to the OBGYN, there were several couples who “weren’t expecting to be here” that were on it as well.
December 31st, 2009 at 11:54 am
Julia, what type of scanner do you use?
p.s. happy holidays.
December 31st, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Don’t worry, Julia.
You dont actually have to respond to my post with information I actually need to complete my glorious art.
To spite you, I’m going to go to your online store right now and buy every fucking product you’re currently shucking.
Take that, bitch.
-Jacob
December 31st, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Please don’t read too far into that last post.
No harsh tonality intended.
p.s. I bought your stuff, but I dunno, man… I’m kinda worried about delivery time… I guess we’ll just have to see what fortune Fate affords…
p.p.s. poop.
December 31st, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Eww…nuva ring…imagine taking that sucker out after a month in hoo-hoo land. Like a big booger donut. BAAAARF!
January 1st, 2010 at 4:16 am
This site is amazing.
January 2nd, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Julia….watching Peep Show on Christmas Eve? With cheese?? Damn!!…why didn’t I think of that… :o/
January 2nd, 2010 at 10:40 pm
HEH! Good comical stuff Wertz!
Did you also ever notice how the BEST Xmas movies are NOT the cheesy ones? Like DIE HARD, BATMAN RETURNS, LETHAL WEAPON & EDWARD SCISSORHANDS? Or maybe it’s just me? Keep up the comics & cheese, please!!
January 3rd, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Phrozt: My apologies and condolences; I merely assumed that you were like most people, who are simply plain irresponsible, if not outright stupid. Good thing I’m a firm believer in abortion, though, as I would be a terrible parent, due to sheer lack of interest, plus I don’t think that life is a gift, in the first place. In any case, good luck to you.
January 3rd, 2010 at 10:55 pm
At Dylan: I actually got slightly ill at reading your commentXD
You have a gift, sir.
January 4th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Y’know, birthday observances are negotiable. It’s not like anyone ever checks.
I’ve got a sister with a Christmas birthday. Didn’t like it much, so she picked April 14th as her new one. No competition there.
++++++
January 5th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
I ate christmas cheese too. Aged cheddar. I had a similar christmas. All alone. I didn’t accept invitations from people to go to their dinners, too depressing. Instead, I had a bottle of champagne to myself and made butter chicken while watching 500 days of summer on dvr. It was awesome in a sad way. So glad that fucker is done.
January 5th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
word.
financially stranded away from most of my family, in a new lonesome apartment. my sister came over and made fried eggs and we ate those. then we went to a movie, which i snuck alcohol into.
i believe in anti-christmas!
January 6th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Bahahaha! The cake had your face, it was adorable.
Mine was bad too, I was stuck at my ex’s moms and she was obsessing over her lost skunk that SHE lost and blamed us for… and I nearly had an asthma attack looking for it… (Cold the trees had an inch of frost on them it was that cold…) Plus there are mountain lions and we heard it >..> I told my ex I’m never visiting ever again. Bwahahaha.
If the little fucker loved her he’d have been home by now. >:O
If I move near you remind me to get you some gifts. >.>
I love your comics, with all the hilarity, the kind where you feel bad for laughing at sometimes but nearly piss yourself in doing so anyways.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
^Not all my post went through
*Basically I said you’d step ONTO the snow and it was so cold you’d sit there for a few mila seconds and fall through as the hard ice around where you fell scrapped you to death.
Anyways. xD
Kudos.
January 6th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
I’m a lazy fuck when it comes to cooking too. Sometimes rather than make a proper sandwich I’ll just stand there eating the individual sandwich components straight out of the fridge. My girlfriend thinks it’s retarded. I think it’s pragmatic. Saves time and keeps dishes clean.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:38 am
I wonder how long she’s going to leave the Christmas decorations up. In California they stay up till the 4th of July.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
This comment thread is about as long as a one of those sandworms.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Hey mine too, 7 days away from christmas to be exact. On new years day. So I know how you feel on that one.
February 21st, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Oh wow, your relationship with your cat seems to be very similar to mine. The little shit is always trying to steal a bite of whatever I’m eating >_>
October 9th, 2010 at 12:00 am
This one made me laugh hard. A HUGE accomplishment considering I’ve had a really bad day. So Thank You!