useless vocation
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009if you can’t read the text, a larger version is here
if you can’t read the text, a larger version is here
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September 30th, 2009 at 11:15 am
your so cool im gonna call you culo.
September 30th, 2009 at 11:19 am
So, my Mom walks by during my lunch break and I’m reading me some Fart Party.
“What’re you reading?” she asks.
I turn my screen towards her, “A comic made by the coolest girl in the world, apparently.” I scroll down the comic so we can both read it.
Dick on the screen.
Best Lunch Break ever. Mom complains that I don’t hang out with my family enough, Ha! Thanks, Ms. Wertz.
Oh, is it still taboo to offer to bone you?
September 30th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I can totally relate to randomly getting struck by lightning.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Lol’d at the last frame.
Yes, Tina Fey is the coolest woman, but you’re right up there.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I’ll be your boyfriend if you still want one.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I’ve read everything but I Saw You, and this one’s my favourite so far. Almost every panel made me laugh, or at least empathize. Right on, Wertz.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I can totally guarantee one of this things the you’re not getting.
Actually, no. No I can’t.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
the prickly hairs on the balls are a nice touch. laughed so hard i peed a little.
September 30th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Oh Wertz, you are too cool. My boss just walked by, laughed and said
“Hey look, there is a dick on your screen!”
September 30th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Don’t rule out the presidency quite yet - you’re still too young. I will be voting straight Fart Party ticket in 2020.
September 30th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
There were so many funny moments in that one, especially the god-shock at the end.
September 30th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I think the “I want a relationship” subtext of a comic is only allowed on gray days. Also some profanity MUST be included, else it just comes off kinda sad.
September 30th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
nope. I’m taking those words and rearranging them to something funnier. The “I want to be the president” subtext of a comic is only allowed on gay pride days. Also some profanity must be included or else it comes off kinda like a crackwhores panties.
September 30th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Keychain sharpies are awesome. Please let me know if you decide to don the cape again…my green sharpie is running low. Much appreciated!
September 30th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Great comic from the coolest cartoonist on the net…..Your creativity and sense of humor always makes my day. Thanks!
September 30th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
huh. whenever i find myself thinking and/or saying “that girl is the coolest girl ever” SHE’s the one who’s invariably in a serious, long-term relationship.
September 30th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
You going to the Polyphonic Spree at Webster Hall tomorrow?
September 30th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
That is like the most aesthetically pleasing penis in the history of the internet. Penises do not look like that. They look like Alf’s nose.
-1 internets Wertz
And I concur with Brian. Julia Wertzs of the world either don’t exist or are in a relationship/taken, ergo Fart Party isn’t real. Sorry everybody, I just force fed you the red pill.
September 30th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
HEH! You are too cool, foo!
The cooler the girl, the longer it takes to get Satisfaction.
…that’s just the way Life is lil cutie.
I still adore your comics & you are so Cute you are Nerdy - Hawt!
September 30th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Hahaha…This one is really great. Love all the details.
September 30th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
I think that someone, somewhere should make at least the counterpart of the begining of this comic. Wich will be a guy saying “You’re, like, the coolest girl ever” and then a girl should say “Awwww, thanks. I love when we hang out” and the arrow should point at the girl and say “Has a boyfriend, of course, dont they all, dont they all…” the rest of the list, i think, should be the one of every normal geeky/looser guy. Well, just a thougth, been there, done that…
October 1st, 2009 at 1:51 am
TRUTH!
October 1st, 2009 at 3:03 am
Hilarious, but your comic is slightly overshadowed by the hilarity that is the libido of internet-goers. I can’t get enough of laughing at the poor lumps.
Sorry, but you have to admit that people trying to help you out with a penis prescription is pretty hilarious. Pretty freaking hilarious.
October 1st, 2009 at 3:24 am
hehehe…penis prescription. thats pretty good. If only wang came in tablet form. That didn’t sound right. Any-what-sit, any man (or well quaffed female) can complement you into caped hysterics. Only the true and proud can be caped while they do it with you. (yeah, that way)
October 1st, 2009 at 6:54 am
At least he didn’t say “I’d totally date you if I didn’t have a girlfriend”. That’s always a good one.
October 1st, 2009 at 7:56 am
oh can of worms, why did I open you?
October 1st, 2009 at 8:13 am
If you want to step up your deal saving coolness, check out http://www.slickdeals.net. It’s fantastic! The only problem is, you’ll see so many deals that, while you *are* saving money, you’ll be buying stuff that you didn’t really need… just because it’s a good deal.
Takes a bit of discipline to really use that site just for the things you need, but it’s well worth it :).
October 1st, 2009 at 11:09 am
Apparently, you’re cool enough for the spam bots…
October 1st, 2009 at 11:36 am
Once on a bike trip we stopped at a rural gas station with a vending machine to get sodas. Except the vending machine actually dispensed live bait. Luckily we realized this before putting any money in. Speaking of cans of worms.
Also, dicks aren’t always “satisfaction guaranteed” even for the owners of said dicks. Alas.
October 1st, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I would have pointed out that, yes, cans of worms are for fishing. Someone beat me to it, but did not beat some sense in to it.
The comments are great and all, but I still read for the comics.
October 1st, 2009 at 1:41 pm
It used to be that comic artists would work in their love of golf to every third strip.
Now the new vogue is to work in love of complaints? Haha. Funny. Can’t wait to come back.
October 1st, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I have to agree with the previous comments here. The converse of that first panel happens just as often if not more. I can attest to that.
Also, nice cape. Wanna fuck?
October 1st, 2009 at 6:50 pm
The “cool girl” must be the sexual opposite to the “nice guy”
Always so many half hearted compliments no commitments to relationships.
I recently got told I’m a “nice guy” but she just thought she should give her ex another shot.
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 am
I’m not a spambot.. but $D is a place I hang out a lot, and the entire point of it has everything to do w/Julia’s “superpower” so I thought it might be a place she’d want to check out.
October 4th, 2009 at 3:02 am
i got that fortune cookie without a fortune thing beat. i once got a sealed, wrapped fortune cookie that lacked both fortune and cookie.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Tina Fey might have the JOB of coolest chick, but she is way underqualified. In college she was the uptight one who called the cops on you when you were having fun getting drunk. As a fully-formed adult, on a crappy TV comedy show that was good when Carter was president, she cashed in on happening to look like a crazy politician, and campaigned humorlessly for warmonger Hillary R.-C. Not exactly “coolest chick” material.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
oh man, I hope you’re just really bad at sarcasm and you’re not serious. If you are, why are you reading this site?
October 5th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
how this comment board failed to become an “i’d do you” fest is a mystery to me.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Well, I guess if liking a shitty TV writer is a qualification for reading this cartoon, then goodbye and good luck.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I just noticed your comic people only have three fingers. Is there a reason or is that just your style?
October 20th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
yeah, the whole ‘youre so awesome in every possible way’
‘…but i’m gonna actually date this other person instead’ gets really crushing, and then, after that, i just don’t fucking care any more.
the zen of meh.