bad blood
Monday, September 14th, 2009in my defense, I probably only write about two actual fart related jokes a year. Also, I recycle, I donate shit I don’t want anymore to Salvation Army, I once took in an abandoned kitten and in fourth grade I won second place in the science fair so I’m pretty sure I’m a good citizen.
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September 14th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I’m sure Tom Cruise has his reasons for that.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:55 am
So, if you were German, the cashier would have denied you service? Why can’t people let WWI go??
September 14th, 2009 at 10:59 am
I feel the same way about my cousin Janet Murguia who is the president of the National Council of La Raza and was a deputy assistant to Bill Clinton. I think of her every time I express a dog’s anal sacs at work.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am
haha! all of our vocations boil down to poop related jokes
September 14th, 2009 at 11:41 am
My mother used to work for an HMO. Some of the stories she tells me almost seem sadistic. She had to quit, because she couldn’t take denying people’s claims anymore. She cries every time the movie The Rainmaker is on. Not because Matt Damon is bad or anything like that mind you.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Make no bones about it, Matt Damon is evil.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
pfft, whatevs. i think your comics are great.
September 14th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Julia you are part of the reason i am working on my comic right now
September 14th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Your comics are a contribution, and your stuff is so hilarious. I think making people laugh is helping the world just as much as anything else.
Not to mention what else would you do? Go build schools in the Sudan? Fuck that. It’s way too hot there to do physical labor.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
The world’s a better place because of your unhomogenized entertainment. We need sassy girls like you to show younger girls they can live without stillettos and makeup…and the hills. Sere…besides, when did any member of the hills ever worry about making the world a better place. Julia Wertz is a protagonist with a conscience.
September 14th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
“There’s a lot to be said for making people laugh. Did you know that that’s all some people have? It isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan.” -John Sullivan (Joel McCrea) from Sullivan’s Travels
September 14th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
My grandfather ran for president of Mexico when my mom was little and lost because he started telling everyone that the priests were molesting children in secret (before it became common knowledge). Super religious Mexican Catholics didn’t like that statement…
Later I found out on my own that he was a socialist trying to expand Communism into North America. True story. What do i do? Masturbate ungodly amounts a day and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer whenever I’m not touching myself.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Tom Cruise farting makes me cry. Am I god?
September 15th, 2009 at 2:37 am
Grim, you should try touching yourself *while* watching Buffy. Double your productivity!
September 15th, 2009 at 2:48 am
I think we all have those moments, but if you think about it, you’re doing better than me: people read your blog!
But really, why do relatives always have to shit on everything we do?
September 15th, 2009 at 4:51 am
Julia I can’t make it to the party/reading this friday but I had a flesh eating bacteria eating away at my calf last year. When I finally went to my doctor for it, after thinking I could beat it myself, she hand to squeeze out all the puss and gunk (hurt like hell). Afterward I could see in to the tunnel the bacteria was making in to my leg. That was weird.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Louis
Yeah I did that as a kid watching Willow (it was always Willow, never Buffy- I like girl nerds…so rare). Now I just enjoy it as a great show and a great fix of nostalgia.
Btw to the whole medical horror story I once severed all my tendons in my right hand because I lost my temper with a knife and my hand slipped when I stabbed a kitchen cabinet (knife stopped, but hand get moving past blade). Anyway after 12 hours of waiting in the emergency room lobby, they took me in and wouldn’t give me anything for the pain (i cut down to the bone on 3 of my fingers) because I was kinda dressed like a fuck-up and I guess they thought I wanted drugs? Anyway they said I needed surgery, but I told them I needed to get home (the accident happened at a party where there was lots of drugs and liquor and i was suppose to be in my room that night) and asked if it was OK if I came back another day. They said yes and I left but found out later that tendons are like rubber bands and that if I didn’t get my hand repaired right after the accident I’d never be able to get it repaired since the tendons would retreat into my palm. I had to learn how to write and draw again, and lost the ability to play the guitar and catch stuff without looking like an idiot. Fuck US healthcare.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:48 am
uh, dude, that sucks pretty bad and all, but I think you missed the part where they tried to get you into surgery to save your hand and you were like “fuck this I’m going home” and also the part where you were stabbing knives into cabinets. It’s really not the hospitals responsibility to force you to be reasonable when you’ve sliced your shit up like an easter ham. Your situation is a huge bummer but you gotta shoulder some of the blame.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Crap.
Not sure whether to comment on being related to a president or medical horror stories?
Would it be alright to do both?
September 15th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
i enjoy reading your comics
September 15th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Awesome.
I<3 your stuff so much.
The only horror story I have is my wife’s $250,000 bill for an emergency appendectomy with no insurance, but we managed to find a program that payed for all of it. Happy ending=no horror.
September 15th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
So I loaned my Fart Party 1 book out to this dude (I showed him the diarrhea mask one and he immediately insisted on borrowing it) that’s sailing around the world, and I thought I was never going to get it back - but I just got this message about where the book has been:
“San Francisco to southern New Hampshire to Diablo, Washington to Seattle, Washington to Portland, Oregon back to San Francisco over to Tahoe up to Missoula, Montana back to Seattle then over to Kansas where it was just shipped from. It’s pretty well traveled, for a book.”
Hell yeah I get my book back!! Also are you coming to APE?
September 15th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I knew the McGoverns. You sir, are no McGovern.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Julia
Oh no I totally take the blame for my hand. Haha yeah I’m not blaming doctors for my own personal fuck ups, I’m just saying I specifically asked if I had to have the surgery then and there or if I could wait a week or so and they said I could leave. Plus the 12 hour wait for a serious injury ( I mean I was bleeding onto the lobby floor c’mon ) doesn’t hurt my distaste for hospitals.
Its like if you were out drinking in the park, and the cops see you and act like assholes. You know you weren’t suppose to be drinking in public and accept any citation as your own personal fault, but the fact that they acted like dicks and gave you wrong information about your court date still gets to you. Does that make any sense?
But yeah I’m an idiot. I got away with it though. My mom found out about my hand, but I told her it was a kitchen accident that happened at home and she bought it.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:03 am
I had a wicked fun tumor attached to one of the nerves running down my right arm. My insurance company refused to pay for the first (exploratory) surgery I had to make sure my tumor wasn’t deadly, and then made me wait six months to have it removed, even though my doctors wanted to take it out as soon as possible. THAT operation lasted eight hours (2x what it was supposed to) because of all the scar tissue that had built up between the two surgeries.
Meanwhile, I had to borrow money from my parents and my 82-year-old grandma (who lives in Canada where they don’t have to deal with this kind of hoo-ha) to pay the bills my insurance didn’t cover (i.e., the first surgery and my $3,500 deductible). Oh, and my pinky felt like it was asleep for a year afterwards due to nerve damage.
Which is a very long and self involved way of saying that I feel your pain on the healthcare front.
September 16th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Julia, your comic has been one the best finds this year. My life seems to be taking the same general shape as yours, for example right now I’m a scared, stupid, friendless, shapeless turd of an 18 year old in the grips of both suburban depression and wanderlust. I see myself hauling ass somewhere else at the year’s end and beginning life’s great and shitty journey, and things that have happened to you I also see happening to me. I seem to be very different to you in many superficial ways, but we’re both weird reclusive cartoonists and that’s all that matters. Your comic is not only funny but it’s a great comfort, and has taught me to stop worrying about things that are inevitable. To me, that is more relevant than some talking head’s political opinions (not to badmouth him).
Thankfully, my ancestors were as shitty and useless as I am.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
And I’m related to the King of Sweden. No really, we’re related. (o.o )
September 17th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Heh. “Grandparets.”
September 17th, 2009 at 1:33 am
I wish I had grandparrots.
September 17th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
My great great grandfather invented casters. You know… the things on the bottom of office chairs and whatnot.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
You make my life better. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to go one and cure cancer or something, but maybe one of your readers was all depressed and your comic made them happy and they went on to do something good.
I could be wrong. It’s happened before.
June 7th, 2010 at 2:23 am
Would I be reading this if it were by Julia McGovern? Somehow that has way less zing.