“Hi! Nice comics! I sell Insentitive Sonofabitch cutlery. Would you care for a demonstration?”
“Uhh-”
“Watch this! first, here’s a ginsu paring Paring knife. Now as I thrust it into your heart and twist it side to side, pay attention to how the edge of the knife feels against your ventricles.”
“AHHHHHH”
“Okay, now here’s an Insentitive Sonofabitch knife. Do you notice how the patented Insentive serrations dig especially deep, enhancing the twisting motion? It’s like you can feel your nerve cells being damaged, right? ”
“*weeping with agony*”
“Ooh, this looks like it might be a bad time for you. I tell you what, I’ll come back later and we’ll talk turkey. By the way, I’m a big fan! Seeya!”
Seems like at every convention everyone gets at least one or two clueless douchebags who come up to them and don’t understand common decency. I definitely get at least one or two every con (sometimes the same people over and over… in that case at least I have the smarts to walk away from the table when I see them coming).
Ha, Robin told me about the ointment toothbrushing thing. I think the stupidest thing I did at SPX was make a joke about Gabby and herpes in front of a large amount of people through a microphone. I still feel dumb about that but you know, diarrhea of the mouth comes when you least expect it. At least the herpes thing is relatively public knowledge since he made a comic about it, and won an award for said comic. Of course I made a lot of other bad decisions throughout the weekend but they don’t count if they made someone laugh, resulted in a good time for myself and others, or if they will result in a good story someday.
aaahahahahaha! matt -that was fucking hilarious. If I purchase Insentitive Sonofabitch cutlery, can I pay in three easy payments of ass raping, toe stubbing and AIDS? check’s in the mail!
You would pay three ass rapes, toe stubs, and cases of AIDS for this fine set of Insensitive cutlery. But as a matter of fact, all of those things are free gifts, compliments of Insensitive Sonofabitch, as our thanks to you.
All you’ll have to pay is whatever feelings of happiness you were feeling before our Insensitive Sonofabitch representative opened his big fucking mouth.
I thought being a comic book chick was like a having a cock-magnet. Do you ever get guys at those conventions actually wanting to date you, or are they too nerdy and inept to be around? Just asking…
you shouldn’t be nervous to meet Julia, here’s a quote from the blog Guttersniper about it:
“The prospect of meeting Julia Wertz was a bit more frightening. Many of her comics deal with highly personal matters (I know more about her sex life than the sex lives of some of my friends), and most of the comics she writes about herself paint her as a crass, irritable, and often mean person. I was surprised, then, to find her extremely approachable and friendly.”
I stubbed my toe on a punching bag once, the kind that has a big sandbag on the floor instead of hanging from the ceiling? Stepped into a jab really hard and bang. Cracked a bone in my toe and the nail didn’t fully grow back for a year. Ouchy.
Ah! I know oozing with adoration can be annoying, but I’m in Korea teaching English and I’m living this new monk-esque life which I love and hate in my two chicken town…and anyway! I just found your comic and I spent my Friday night reading it with some engrish beer…and thanks. I feel so much better.
If you like brushing your teeth with anti bacterial ointment then you’ll LOVE cleaning your FACE with nail polish remover- which I have done. Aaah~ that cool fresh feeling!
“if you like brushing your teeth with anti bacterial ointment then you’ll LOVE cleaning your FACE with nail polish remover”
hahaha I read that like an advertisement in my brain. But yikes, that’s worse than what I did. It’s so easy to mistake all those weird girlie bottles in bathrooms for god knows what. When I told someone about it they were like “well at least you didn’t use preparation H” but that’s retarded because it’s not like it CAME OUT of someone’s butt, its just FOR butts. It’s probably better than antibacterial cream, which was like solidified oil.
when my mom and i went to englend we got up really early in the morning and went for walks. One morning after a long walk we couldn’t get in our room and i of course panicked while my mom went looking for a hotel supervisor. This happened 2 or 3 times.
When I get asked such questions, I find “it’s been so long, I can’t even remember who gets tied up first” is excellent for freaking the asker out. I think it’s a Woody Allen quote, but I could be mistaken.
@Jimmy - I would’ve too. When I was reading the comic, that’s what I expected to happen. Then I was anticipating him getting shot down with a snappy comeback. Ah well, maybe I’m conflating Julia with Faye from Questionable Content.
heh heh
In The Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe, spies squeeze out the patsy’s toothpaste and shaving-cream to look for microdots or something, and then stuff it all back into the wrong tubes. Hilarity.
Leave a Reply
This entry was posted
on Thursday, October 9th, 2008 at 8:42 am and is filed under comics.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
RSS feed
October 9th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Sorry I missed you in MD. Fuck that guy.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:35 am
“Hi! Nice comics! I sell Insentitive Sonofabitch cutlery. Would you care for a demonstration?”
“Uhh-”
“Watch this! first, here’s a ginsu paring Paring knife. Now as I thrust it into your heart and twist it side to side, pay attention to how the edge of the knife feels against your ventricles.”
“AHHHHHH”
“Okay, now here’s an Insentitive Sonofabitch knife. Do you notice how the patented Insentive serrations dig especially deep, enhancing the twisting motion? It’s like you can feel your nerve cells being damaged, right? ”
“*weeping with agony*”
“Ooh, this looks like it might be a bad time for you. I tell you what, I’ll come back later and we’ll talk turkey. By the way, I’m a big fan! Seeya!”
October 9th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Seems like at every convention everyone gets at least one or two clueless douchebags who come up to them and don’t understand common decency. I definitely get at least one or two every con (sometimes the same people over and over… in that case at least I have the smarts to walk away from the table when I see them coming).
Ha, Robin told me about the ointment toothbrushing thing. I think the stupidest thing I did at SPX was make a joke about Gabby and herpes in front of a large amount of people through a microphone. I still feel dumb about that but you know, diarrhea of the mouth comes when you least expect it. At least the herpes thing is relatively public knowledge since he made a comic about it, and won an award for said comic. Of course I made a lot of other bad decisions throughout the weekend but they don’t count if they made someone laugh, resulted in a good time for myself and others, or if they will result in a good story someday.
October 9th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Yay! I sort of sang a song at you at MoCCA and you didn’t make a comic about it. I’m not the biggest moron out there!
October 9th, 2008 at 10:03 am
aaahahahahaha! matt -that was fucking hilarious. If I purchase Insentitive Sonofabitch cutlery, can I pay in three easy payments of ass raping, toe stubbing and AIDS? check’s in the mail!
October 9th, 2008 at 10:16 am
“Toe Stubbing”? Now that’s just mean. I’d rather lose a finger than stub my toe. Well, maybe.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:20 am
You would pay three ass rapes, toe stubs, and cases of AIDS for this fine set of Insensitive cutlery. But as a matter of fact, all of those things are free gifts, compliments of Insensitive Sonofabitch, as our thanks to you.
All you’ll have to pay is whatever feelings of happiness you were feeling before our Insensitive Sonofabitch representative opened his big fucking mouth.
October 9th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Depends on the type of toe stubbing.
Sock-on-barely-nicking-edge-of-couch: Not too bad
Barefoot-full-speed-running-because-you’re-late-jamming-it-to-the-knuckle-on-baseboard: OUCH
Julia, honest question: What in the world did the ointment taste like?? (and what type of ointment was it?)
October 9th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
hey julia,
are you coming to APE? I saw your name on a posting about a Cartoon Art Museum party that saturday, which jesse reklaw and hellen jo.
ps: the zine will be in effect at APE. thanks for your comic and sorry it took me like a million years!
October 9th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I thought being a comic book chick was like a having a cock-magnet. Do you ever get guys at those conventions actually wanting to date you, or are they too nerdy and inept to be around? Just asking…
October 9th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
no, no and no
October 9th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
i don’t even know how people get the nerve to ask such questions. i think i would become too nervous to even say anything to you if i were there!
October 9th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I’m in love with my Fart Party book. I finally bought it last weekend. Alsoo ordered some mini dudes.
Keep on rockin’ etc.
October 10th, 2008 at 12:37 am
That is ridculous ass-hattery from that man and it will not be tolerated. How dare he! Gah!
October 10th, 2008 at 9:56 am
you shouldn’t be nervous to meet Julia, here’s a quote from the blog Guttersniper about it:
“The prospect of meeting Julia Wertz was a bit more frightening. Many of her comics deal with highly personal matters (I know more about her sex life than the sex lives of some of my friends), and most of the comics she writes about herself paint her as a crass, irritable, and often mean person. I was surprised, then, to find her extremely approachable and friendly.”
October 10th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Hope there was some good that happened as well!
I will polish my sparkling convention conversation forthe off-chance we ever get to meet!
October 10th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I stubbed my toe on a punching bag once, the kind that has a big sandbag on the floor instead of hanging from the ceiling? Stepped into a jab really hard and bang. Cracked a bone in my toe and the nail didn’t fully grow back for a year. Ouchy.
Still rather that than lose a finger, though.
October 10th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Ah! I know oozing with adoration can be annoying, but I’m in Korea teaching English and I’m living this new monk-esque life which I love and hate in my two chicken town…and anyway! I just found your comic and I spent my Friday night reading it with some engrish beer…and thanks. I feel so much better.
October 10th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
If you like brushing your teeth with anti bacterial ointment then you’ll LOVE cleaning your FACE with nail polish remover- which I have done. Aaah~ that cool fresh feeling!
October 11th, 2008 at 12:34 am
hey, if I were that guy in the first comic, I’d have totally asked you out in the fourth frame.
October 11th, 2008 at 8:10 am
“if you like brushing your teeth with anti bacterial ointment then you’ll LOVE cleaning your FACE with nail polish remover”
hahaha I read that like an advertisement in my brain. But yikes, that’s worse than what I did. It’s so easy to mistake all those weird girlie bottles in bathrooms for god knows what. When I told someone about it they were like “well at least you didn’t use preparation H” but that’s retarded because it’s not like it CAME OUT of someone’s butt, its just FOR butts. It’s probably better than antibacterial cream, which was like solidified oil.
October 11th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Actually, I’m sure that was better than lotion though… I’ve confused a little tube of lotion for toothpaste before, and man was it nasty.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Made for butts, by butts, because butts know what butts like.
October 11th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I know it’s been awhile since you did the comic about it and you might have already seen this, Julia, but they made a computer breathalyzer (sort of).
http://www.hitchrome.com/?p=139
October 12th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
when my mom and i went to englend we got up really early in the morning and went for walks. One morning after a long walk we couldn’t get in our room and i of course panicked while my mom went looking for a hotel supervisor. This happened 2 or 3 times.
October 14th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
“if I were that guy in the first comic, I’d have totally asked you out in the fourth frame.”
That may have been his way of asking you out. Different strokes being what they are…
Anyway, you need to be back up that horse, girl. We all know that beneath that gruff, hipster+badger exterior is a strong,sensitive Earhart.
June 4th, 2009 at 1:03 am
When I get asked such questions, I find “it’s been so long, I can’t even remember who gets tied up first” is excellent for freaking the asker out. I think it’s a Woody Allen quote, but I could be mistaken.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:30 am
@Jimmy - I would’ve too. When I was reading the comic, that’s what I expected to happen. Then I was anticipating him getting shot down with a snappy comeback. Ah well, maybe I’m conflating Julia with Faye from Questionable Content.
heh heh
March 29th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
In The Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe, spies squeeze out the patsy’s toothpaste and shaving-cream to look for microdots or something, and then stuff it all back into the wrong tubes. Hilarity.