I sharted my pants one time.. A shart is when you think it’s a fart.. but it sooooo isn’t. It’s explosive diarrhea in disguise as a fart.
And also.. Did you know.. if you can smell a fart.. you have feces particles (or as I call them.. “Farticles”) in your nose.. and they can break down your immune system and make you susceptible to catching colds.
becks — it’s farting during oral sex that’s the real no-no (assuming you’re on the receiving end). otherwise hopefully the other person will be too distracted to notice.
If you’re on the toilet pooping while receiving a BJ, that is known as getting a “Blumpkin”
There isnt’ a slang word for farting while getting oral sex.. we should come up with something and submit it to the urban dictionary “Fart Party” would be perfect. or maybe “Chin Draft” or “Fluffkin”
Also..
A “Fart Chimney” is the colon.
A “Cropdust” is when you fart and move at the same time.. hoping to blame it on someone else.
A “Parp” is the noise made when you’re clenching your butt cheeks trying to hold in a fart.
Jeez, it’s in the theme, but that seems like an alarmingly personal question. It’d be like if she’d posted the blue vibrator comic and folks were like “What motion do you like on your clit? Do you like a mix of penetration and exterior rubbing? Ever put a finger in your anus?”
However, now that farting during sex has come up for naming I suggest poot-tang.
Arrested development?! Think if we just held them in. Now THAT’s arrested.
I don’t have any fart stories.
But that’s why I come here! To experience fart humor vicariously through others. (Today, anyway.)
@Matthew Bernier: er.. why is asking if someone farted during sex alarmingly personal? It’s okay to ask about farting when you were wearing clothes? And seconding your earlier comment, it made me laugh.
I have to admit, I can’t articulate a good reason for why that crosses some line in my head.
Cause I’ll concede that I wouldn’t mind someone asking me if I farted, and although it feels different, I can’t say what the real difference is if you asked me if I farted during sex.
I also can’t say exactly why it would feel too personal to have some blog commenter ask me “Hey Matt, what was the color and texture of your come the last time you jerked off?”, but I would.
To me asking about a fart during sex is just a yes-no-probably thing. That’s why to me it doesn’t seem personal. All your other questions are for details beyond yes-no.. Then again, It’s starting to feel like, if it’s just yes-no, why ask?
Anyway, I’m sure Julia is really enjoying this conversation. And especially this comment.
i never expect my comments/questions to ever be answered so i can’t even believe how much thought is going into my idiotic question by your readers.
it’s my own personal belief that farts are pretty funny so no matter the circumstance, they always deserve at least a chuckle.
A Fartial artist has many tools at his disposal. I can hurl powerful gusts of fart to disarm or topple opponents. I can consume certain roots and herbs to create sleeping gas farts, which I will then crop-dust onto a room from the ceiling. This allows me to put guards to sleep and slip by my enemy’s defenses. I can fill balloons with farts to create distracting explosive devices.
My sensei has not yet taught it to me, but it is rumored that there is a farting move called the “Scanners fart”, where you pinch an opponent’s nose with one hand, clutch his throat with the other, and deliver a powerful fart into his mouth such that his eyes fly out and his brains explode from his ear canals.
ooof. well, now I know how to get you kids to say funny shit- just mention farts at least three times and it’s like a second grade recess all over again, except this time we’re all on the bench for using swears.
Although farttail has come to be a catch-all term for any fart-based drink mixed with any number of alcohols and flavors, this is the earliest known farttail recipie. Rumor is that it was developed for a confederate civil war general who found his farts a little too strong taken neat.
2 oz. Fart, blended or single hole
1 cube or 1/2 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. water
dash or 2 bitters
Combine sugar, bitters, and water in an old-fartioned glass and muddle to combine. Add farts and stir. Garnish with a slice of lemon and a cherry if desired.
These comments are reminding me of the time I friccupped. Thats a fart and a hiccup for you people whom have never endured the life altering pain of having you digestive tract fire in opposite directions at once. I still have the scars.
That reminds me of when I first starting dating my husband. For the first few months I almost had him convinced that I had never farted in my life. I told him I probably burped louder and more frequently than most people but no farts. Then one night we were watching a funny movie & I laughed so hard that I let one ripped. I’m sure that’s when he knew for sure that I was the one for him.
Speaking of farts and families, my dad told me that when he or my stepmom farts while they’re in bed, the other one says “Oh my god, you’re gassing your own people!” (I.e. what Bush et al. always said about Saddam Hussein before we invaded).
Normally like all right-thinking people stories about my parents in bed make me recoil in horror but I acutally thought that was kind of cute.
That’s funny, I knew this Kurdish lady who told me that every time Saddam would gas their village, she’d yell “Oh man, Saddam cut one!”
Normally when she’d tell stories about the wildly inappropriate things she’d say during acts of mass murder I took it as a tragic sign that her mind had snapped under the weight of survivor’s guilt and the visions of her dead neighbors, but I thought that one was pretty cute, myself.
(I know I’m being snide about it, but I actually do agree that’s a cute parents-in-bed story.)
“fapathy”: when you get mature enough that when someone farts, you just don’t care. i refuse to ever let myself grow up only because the thought of not laughing at fart jokes is so, so sad.
On the subject of farts, I was at a movie theater urinal today thinking about how nice it is to get the corner one because only one other person can stand next to me, when lo and behold some dude comes up in the adjacent stall, whips it out, and just lets this horrible, cacophanous fart loose. I was NOT HAPPY.
So I go off to see my movie, and naturally, two hours and one large soda later, I gotta go. Someone is in the corner urinal, and the only other one available is right next to it. I unzip, whip it out, and as irony would have it, inadvertently rip one right next to this poor guy.
Matt… I agree about the bathroom farting. For some odd reason, I find it highly offensive for someone to rip one while they’re peeing, yet I have no ill will towards the dood sitting in the stall next to me, wrestling with a disgruntled sphincter and a turd that’s clinging to his insides like a homesick abortion.
Also, when you mentioned your fartial arts, I got this odd picture of some dood in a ninja suit riding a moving ceiling fan propelling mass amounts of gas into the crowd below.
And finally, my personal fart/sex story. First time my gf and I ever did it… she ended up sleeping over. Here, she’s a 5′0″ blonde chick who basically raped me and she sleeping in my bed. While I’m wondering wtf just happened, she starts snoring incredibly loudly. Then.. out of NOwhere she rips this obnoxiously loud fart; the kind of fart where you know you have to fart and you’re with your friends, so you put as much heat on it as you can.
i do this thing where i twitch in my sleep, and one night me and my boyfriend were sleeping and i twitched out a fart! woke my up and scared the crap out of me…er not literally of course
Well I guess it’s on topic, although I doubt anyone like becks comes back to read comments after all this time. I’ll keep it short:
My girlfriend and I were having sex and in the middle (relaxed, etc) she farted and was stunned and embarrassed so I immediately echoed with my own and we both just laughed forever almost to tears haha.
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May 21st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I sharted my pants one time.. A shart is when you think it’s a fart.. but it sooooo isn’t. It’s explosive diarrhea in disguise as a fart.
And also.. Did you know.. if you can smell a fart.. you have feces particles (or as I call them.. “Farticles”) in your nose.. and they can break down your immune system and make you susceptible to catching colds.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:04 pm
hehe i loved the fartled i have scared myself before. good to know i am not alone.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I farted when I read this comic. Farmic!
May 21st, 2008 at 1:18 pm
NOW this strip is living up to it’s name.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I love the last panel
May 21st, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I fmurtled the other day. You know, when you fart while murdering someone in front of all their friends and loved ones. Teehee!
May 21st, 2008 at 6:32 pm
A friend of mine once woke herself up by farting.
May 21st, 2008 at 6:49 pm
I masterfarted the other day.. but won’t tell you what that is cause it’s too personal.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Transfarters, more than meets your brown eye.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:46 pm
have you ever farted during sex?
May 21st, 2008 at 8:11 pm
becks — it’s farting during oral sex that’s the real no-no (assuming you’re on the receiving end). otherwise hopefully the other person will be too distracted to notice.
May 21st, 2008 at 8:35 pm
have you ever farted during sex?
Would that be farked? or getting some poot-nanny?
May 21st, 2008 at 8:46 pm
If you’re on the toilet pooping while receiving a BJ, that is known as getting a “Blumpkin”
There isnt’ a slang word for farting while getting oral sex.. we should come up with something and submit it to the urban dictionary “Fart Party” would be perfect. or maybe “Chin Draft” or “Fluffkin”
Also..
A “Fart Chimney” is the colon.
A “Cropdust” is when you fart and move at the same time.. hoping to blame it on someone else.
A “Parp” is the noise made when you’re clenching your butt cheeks trying to hold in a fart.
May 21st, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Jeez, it’s in the theme, but that seems like an alarmingly personal question. It’d be like if she’d posted the blue vibrator comic and folks were like “What motion do you like on your clit? Do you like a mix of penetration and exterior rubbing? Ever put a finger in your anus?”
However, now that farting during sex has come up for naming I suggest poot-tang.
May 21st, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Why didnt i came up with this?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpEQbvskGg
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:33 am
“fmurtled”…
just made my day.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:11 am
Arrested development?! Think if we just held them in. Now THAT’s arrested.
I don’t have any fart stories.
But that’s why I come here! To experience fart humor vicariously through others. (Today, anyway.)
@Matthew Bernier: er.. why is asking if someone farted during sex alarmingly personal? It’s okay to ask about farting when you were wearing clothes? And seconding your earlier comment, it made me laugh.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:25 am
I have to admit, I can’t articulate a good reason for why that crosses some line in my head.
Cause I’ll concede that I wouldn’t mind someone asking me if I farted, and although it feels different, I can’t say what the real difference is if you asked me if I farted during sex.
I also can’t say exactly why it would feel too personal to have some blog commenter ask me “Hey Matt, what was the color and texture of your come the last time you jerked off?”, but I would.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
To me asking about a fart during sex is just a yes-no-probably thing. That’s why to me it doesn’t seem personal. All your other questions are for details beyond yes-no.. Then again, It’s starting to feel like, if it’s just yes-no, why ask?
Anyway, I’m sure Julia is really enjoying this conversation. And especially this comment.
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I heard “blumpkins” were called “hot karls”.
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Matthew Bernier will you please stop making me lose my boner FOR EFFING GAWD D00D.
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Ever fart while losing your boner from reading my comments, Chris?
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
i never expect my comments/questions to ever be answered so i can’t even believe how much thought is going into my idiotic question by your readers.
it’s my own personal belief that farts are pretty funny so no matter the circumstance, they always deserve at least a chuckle.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:14 pm
@Dr. Bernier: Twice.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
One time I was having sex and they farted, so I punched them in the face. Take THAT Germans!!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:15 pm
@Matthew: I didn’t know you are a doctor!
@what: Um, did you get that boner from reading the comic, or is that just something you carry around in general?
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
*wink wink*
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:57 am
personally, I was under the impression that a boner was some sort of knife.
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:01 am
Hey I was just reading viceland.com and saw a story/drawing of yours–hilarious. good job.
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:47 am
One time this guy pulled a knife on me, and I disarmed him by farting, using my fartial arts training.
May 23rd, 2008 at 11:40 am
@ Bernier: So you are trained in the fartial arts? I’m wondering if this is where the phrase, “silent but deadly” comes from.
May 23rd, 2008 at 11:41 am
Damn, this conversation is getting hot!
*brrrrrrrt*
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm
A Fartial artist has many tools at his disposal. I can hurl powerful gusts of fart to disarm or topple opponents. I can consume certain roots and herbs to create sleeping gas farts, which I will then crop-dust onto a room from the ceiling. This allows me to put guards to sleep and slip by my enemy’s defenses. I can fill balloons with farts to create distracting explosive devices.
My sensei has not yet taught it to me, but it is rumored that there is a farting move called the “Scanners fart”, where you pinch an opponent’s nose with one hand, clutch his throat with the other, and deliver a powerful fart into his mouth such that his eyes fly out and his brains explode from his ear canals.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
ooof. well, now I know how to get you kids to say funny shit- just mention farts at least three times and it’s like a second grade recess all over again, except this time we’re all on the bench for using swears.
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Pardon my fenching- farting while sitting on the bench for swearing.
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:26 pm
mention farts three times and beetlejuice appears…or would he be fartlejuice?
May 23rd, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Farttail:
Although farttail has come to be a catch-all term for any fart-based drink mixed with any number of alcohols and flavors, this is the earliest known farttail recipie. Rumor is that it was developed for a confederate civil war general who found his farts a little too strong taken neat.
2 oz. Fart, blended or single hole
1 cube or 1/2 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. water
dash or 2 bitters
Combine sugar, bitters, and water in an old-fartioned glass and muddle to combine. Add farts and stir. Garnish with a slice of lemon and a cherry if desired.
May 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am
These comments are reminding me of the time I friccupped. Thats a fart and a hiccup for you people whom have never endured the life altering pain of having you digestive tract fire in opposite directions at once. I still have the scars.
May 24th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
oh totally, my family loves farts! we have battles!
May 24th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Reading Matthew Bernier describe his special fartial arts moves made me giggle/fart. Is that called a giggart or a farggle?
May 24th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
That reminds me of when I first starting dating my husband. For the first few months I almost had him convinced that I had never farted in my life. I told him I probably burped louder and more frequently than most people but no farts. Then one night we were watching a funny movie & I laughed so hard that I let one ripped. I’m sure that’s when he knew for sure that I was the one for him.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:29 am
“Fartblocking”: Holding it in until you leave a room filled with people
“Fartflush”: Flushing the toilet in a public bathroom to cover the sound of a noisy fart.
May 25th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Sounds like some commenters have done some ‘flarting’ in their day. Flirting of/by/ or through farts.
May 25th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Speaking of farts and families, my dad told me that when he or my stepmom farts while they’re in bed, the other one says “Oh my god, you’re gassing your own people!” (I.e. what Bush et al. always said about Saddam Hussein before we invaded).
Normally like all right-thinking people stories about my parents in bed make me recoil in horror but I acutally thought that was kind of cute.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
That’s funny, I knew this Kurdish lady who told me that every time Saddam would gas their village, she’d yell “Oh man, Saddam cut one!”
Normally when she’d tell stories about the wildly inappropriate things she’d say during acts of mass murder I took it as a tragic sign that her mind had snapped under the weight of survivor’s guilt and the visions of her dead neighbors, but I thought that one was pretty cute, myself.
(I know I’m being snide about it, but I actually do agree that’s a cute parents-in-bed story.)
May 25th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
“fapathy”: when you get mature enough that when someone farts, you just don’t care. i refuse to ever let myself grow up only because the thought of not laughing at fart jokes is so, so sad.
May 25th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
On the subject of farts, I was at a movie theater urinal today thinking about how nice it is to get the corner one because only one other person can stand next to me, when lo and behold some dude comes up in the adjacent stall, whips it out, and just lets this horrible, cacophanous fart loose. I was NOT HAPPY.
So I go off to see my movie, and naturally, two hours and one large soda later, I gotta go. Someone is in the corner urinal, and the only other one available is right next to it. I unzip, whip it out, and as irony would have it, inadvertently rip one right next to this poor guy.
*shakes fist at the sky*
May 27th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Matt… I agree about the bathroom farting. For some odd reason, I find it highly offensive for someone to rip one while they’re peeing, yet I have no ill will towards the dood sitting in the stall next to me, wrestling with a disgruntled sphincter and a turd that’s clinging to his insides like a homesick abortion.
Also, when you mentioned your fartial arts, I got this odd picture of some dood in a ninja suit riding a moving ceiling fan propelling mass amounts of gas into the crowd below.
And finally, my personal fart/sex story. First time my gf and I ever did it… she ended up sleeping over. Here, she’s a 5′0″ blonde chick who basically raped me and she sleeping in my bed. While I’m wondering wtf just happened, she starts snoring incredibly loudly. Then.. out of NOwhere she rips this obnoxiously loud fart; the kind of fart where you know you have to fart and you’re with your friends, so you put as much heat on it as you can.
And now we have a kid. Wtf?
May 27th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
i do this thing where i twitch in my sleep, and one night me and my boyfriend were sleeping and i twitched out a fart! woke my up and scared the crap out of me…er not literally of course
May 28th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Now thats how you get pinkeye
May 30th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Fart babies: little gas children conceived when one partner farts into an appropriate orifice belonging to the other partner
February 5th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
I think im in love with your family
May 28th, 2009 at 11:42 am
The internet: getting people to talk about farts who would never talk about farts face to face in a million years.
June 11th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Well I guess it’s on topic, although I doubt anyone like becks comes back to read comments after all this time. I’ll keep it short:
My girlfriend and I were having sex and in the middle (relaxed, etc) she farted and was stunned and embarrassed so I immediately echoed with my own and we both just laughed forever almost to tears haha.