everything is shit #4
Thursday, April 17th, 2008I’m leaving a wee bit later for the west coast than I thought, and i wasn’t going to post this comic because I feel like all I do lately is whine about shit, but then I realized that I only have a week left to whine until I leave for a land that is like, to quote Lesley Arfin, “if the song “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilara were a birthday present wrapped in rainbow sorbet given to you by the sun.” Substitute fog for sun and I’m going home! Also, I’ve been a sorry sack of shit lately and I didn’t really want to post about it on the internet for fear of a slew of lame pity comments and mean remarks about the lack of funny (please spare me both) but then I remembered that I don’t care so the next few are gonna be whiny and maudlin and if you don’t like it, go read Dilbert or something. I hear they’re up to some hilarious office shenanigans over there.
Also, some of the artwork ruined in panel three was supposed to go out to mail orders, so they’re gonna be a little later than I planned. If you ordered anything BEFORE April 3rd and have not gotten your order, please email me at juliawertz(at)gmail(dot)com
(ps- the other “today everything is shit” or “today everything’s alright” are in the archives)
April 17th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Everything IS shit today. I’m currently in the middle of a mid-20s freakout myself and I just can’t stop whining to everybody. I know I’m being lame, but it’s seriously just one thing after another these days, you know?
Rest assured that you’re not alone in your angst.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:25 am
lol and aww
April 17th, 2008 at 11:08 am
So is this the trip you asked for couches to do, or does that come later?
April 17th, 2008 at 11:21 am
they make brown pens??
April 17th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Ok, seriously julia Turbo Tax. It’s like an online service. If you make as little money as I do then it’s free, and actually like, does your taxes for you online by asking you really no nonsense questions (e.g. “Did you make any money from illegal narcotics this year?” or “Do you have any crazy old people living in your attic that you support?”) and then filing in all that godbeldygook for in the tax forms for you. Ok, so this year was a bust, but next year, it’ll be like magic!
April 17th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Awww, come on this is hilarious who doesn’t enjoy that! And the fact that you have the fortitude to make a funny strip about it and publish it shows… it shows something, I don’t not exactly what. As an expiring comic book pro, I wish I had a big pile of my comics to ruin with some sweet, sweet coffee. Like all art comics flourishes on misery and despair, so my word of advice is: Keep it up! this in your finest work! remember what doesn’t kill you will probably leave you horrible disfigured…err something like that.
Roho
PS: it will always stop raining, just so it can start again…
April 17th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I like your poo drawings.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
It’s nice to know that someone out there is having a bad day too, hope yours gets better. I’m off to go spend the rest of the day in bed, where I should have stayed this morning.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I like whiny and maudlin. Why do people think comics have to be funny?
I’m 30 and my mid-twenties freakout has yet to end.
I just looked up “maudlin” becasue I wondered what the literal definition was and Merriam-Webster has it as “drunk enough to be emotionally silly” which I think is awsome.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
expiring comic book pro? You have my condolences. Are you sure it’s fatal?
My sympathies in any case.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
It’s SHOULD’VE or SHOULD HAVE, not “SHOULD OF”!!!
April 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Mid-twenties freakout in full effect over here. I am rooting for you Julia. I love your comics, even if you whine, somehow your whining makes my whining seem more funny. Does that make sense? I don’t care. Just keep posting.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
“I’m the abortion that Juno should have had” made me chuckle. And don’t worry, everyone has a shitty time.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Better not go to California, you might cause an earthquake.
April 17th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I am wont to kick a person when they are down, but your pain is amusing to me. My life sucks less, although I admit I wouldn’t have the stones to confess to earning money that the government is getting none of on the interwebitude.
April 17th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Well on the plus side, your drawings rock in this one..
I particularly like the one standing on your head looking all annoyed..
April 17th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Don’t touch me with your curse-hands, leper of destruction!
April 17th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Come to MA, at least you would have health insurance
April 17th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Julia, it turns out you also have penis cancer.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Hey, I’d pay extra for ruined artwork if it was featured in the comic.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
If it makes you feel any better, I think it’s just that time of year when a certain portion of the population just gets shit on. I’ve been whining to friends of mine about my car issues, and they have countered with their own issues that have also come out of the blue. I’m sure it’s temporary though, so just ride it out.
April 17th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
it’s too bad we don’t have universal health care coverage. i went for spans of time without insurance and had to pay out of pocket. it totally sucks.
what is the brand of pens (out of curiosity)?
April 17th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
my favorite ones are the ones where you complain. =)
April 17th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
I like complaining comics too. I get suspicious when people are too happy. It also triggers an urge to punch someone in the face.
April 17th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I ment Aspiring…damn I just wanted to say to the people that … *
April 17th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Are tehy the brown brush tips? I accidentally got some of those too. They aren’t too terrible, but they are definitely brown, and being the shit state of my scanner, doing the whole switch-to-black-and-white-then-up-the-contrast trick doesn’t work. Guess that will teach me to leave something that had wet glue on it on the scanner bed to dry.
April 18th, 2008 at 3:20 am
I love your new comicstrip!! I know the feeling so well to be forced to live with two cursed hands!! But I think it’s so unfair, that you can’t pay your insurance: on amazon.de the last two copies of your book are to be sold for 81 and 86 Euros. I don’t know how much this is in Dollars, but it is about the third of my monthly rent. So if sombody will be able to afford it the sellers will be very rich!!! And so you should be too!!!!
April 18th, 2008 at 8:47 am
no, that’s a mistake, it happens on Amazon and is pretty funny when it does. It only means they don’t have any more in stock, so the last few are the two people who think they can get away with that. In cases like that, you should NEVER buy them because neither myself nor my publisher will get a single cent. Amazon is fucked up.
April 18th, 2008 at 9:25 am
“…the abortion Juno should have had.”
No lack of funny there! That’s good shit!
April 18th, 2008 at 10:46 am
This is the kind of comic that allows me to help the most - keep ‘em coming. Since there are so many things that require my assistance here, I will solve them in a “lightning round” of helpful advice.
Jackhammers = earplugs and/or crazy loud heavy metal music to drown it out.
Break things = duct tape.
Ink accident = Rorschach test = free dollars.
Bad news = pregnancy test.
Taxes = don’t pay. What are you really worried is going to happen here?
Brown pens = drawings of termites and boats. Wet hilarity ensues.
Health insurance = don’t get sick/just have oral sex.
Freakout = Le freak, c’est chic
Downer friend = crazy hostile cursing attack (”go freak yourself, you poonanny”)
This is WHAT I”M TALKING ABOUT.
April 18th, 2008 at 11:00 am
aarg I don’t want your “advice” goddammit!
April 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I totally thought it said you bought a pack of brown penis. I think you would have way more trouble drawing with a bunch of brown penis so count your blessings!
April 18th, 2008 at 11:38 am
I would think a pack of brown penis would cause a smile, not a frown..
April 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Brown penis?! I meant to get the black penis! It’s so hard to tell what color they are when they’re inside the box.
April 18th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
i plan on using the phrase “my life is the abortion juno should’ve had” every day from now on when people ask me what’s up. short and to the point. i like it.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
If I were a brown pen, I’d be happy someone bought me.
April 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Oh man, thats a shitty run of luck. I hope things get better for you, Hulia. Also: Juno was pretty good, but I sat there thinking ‘Why didn’t this bitch just get a coat hanger and fix shit.”
April 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Today IS a shitty day. I have a show tonight and uh…I might just sneeze my nose and eyeballs off my face in the very near future.
Plus, in the show I play a man. Go figs.
April 18th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
*Hugs*?
April 19th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
ACK I’m at the end!
I hope Family or Meltdown Comics has your book cuz i’m going there today (If they dont i’m gonna make sure they do)
April 19th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
So, I guess you’re not going to be using those pens… can I have ‘em?
April 20th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Others have beaten me to it, but “my life is the abortion Juno should have had” may be the funniest thing I have read in years
April 20th, 2008 at 10:59 am
great punchline..
April 20th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
fuck. you fly here the day i fly there.
April 20th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
great strip… recharge on the coast.
April 21st, 2008 at 2:19 am
you need to netflix “the secret” and pay close attention to the alarm clock scene.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:35 am
Schadenfreude- people taking pleasure in your pain.
[your misfortune makes them glad they're not you]