As if high school prom didn’t already suck enough ass, this year, my old high school is turning the last symbolism of high debauchery into an AA milestone party, but with perkier tits and better haircuts. Completely ignoring the fact that booze, weed and pills can be stored in socks, underwear and a variety of body cavities, the faculty are banning banal items such as gum, deodorant and chapstick. To quote the newspaper, “a stick of gum can be used to smuggle in liquid ecstasy” and “buried deep within a tube of chapstick, any number of pills can slip undetected past chaperons.” Even deodorant is banned since “students roll up and remove the deodorant from it’s casing, hiding anything from a handful of pills to marijuana in the tube.” (that’s genius! Why didn’t I think of that?) I can foresee only two outcomes from these ridiculous rules: 1) Kids will do what they always do, which is just slam a bunch of booze in the parking lot and then spend the evening barfing behind the bleachers, or (per the faculties delight) the night will forever remain frozen in the first 10 awkward minutes of a John Hugh’s prom.
(It should be noted that the “no freaking” sign appeared not only on the front of the newspaper, but around the campus as well. It was reported that some students freaked the sign. oh, high school, I kinda miss you!)

in the mean time, where am I? I am here, wallowing in nostalgia.